


Crash Into You

by MSpataro210



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Epiphanies, F/M, Flashbacks Galore, Leia loves surprises, M/M, Or do they?, Poe's Jacket, SO FLUFFY, also sweet, and Poe sad, angsty, angsty Poe, but Finn gets all the fluff, father and almost son-in-law bonding time, literal ship not a relationship, little Poe Dameron, one character dies, read to find out, ship crashes, watch Poe feel bad about himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 22:10:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5643688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MSpataro210/pseuds/MSpataro210
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be a simple mission.  Poe was tasked to collect some data with his squadron.  He asked General Organa if it was okay to add someone to the roster, and knowing who he had in mind, allowed him.  Who knew what a bad decision that was going to be...<br/>Poe feels awful, but can't determine why he feels as bad as he does.<br/>And what happened to Finn?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crash Into You

**Author's Note:**

> Just to let you know this is going to be very sad at times. But I promise, stick with it and it will be a very happy ending!  
> I've been wanting to write Kes Dameron in something, and I had plans for a multi-fic, but it just didn't seem to work. So when this came to me one night, I went with it, fleshed it out, and hopefully you all enjoy it!
> 
> (P.S. Picture Kes as Benecio del Toro as I suspect that is who he's playing in the movie)

            The First Order Vessel floats in space, surrounded by a squadron of TIE fighters. They fly around their central command, one of what was left from the Starkiller Base explosion. It’s been slow going, but the process of rebuilding their ranks has steadily increased in recent months. Perfecting an army of mindless drones takes long, but will be worth it when the Resistance and the New Republic lie shattered at their feet.

            Starting with the unfortunate squadron of X-Wing Fighter Planes that flew into their direct path.

            In an instant the TIE fighters spread out, swarming the unsuspecting group of pilots, breaking their formation.

            The lights in the expanse are no longer just stars: blaster fire being exchanged between the two opposing camps. The X-Wing flyers were unprepared, doing their best not to eliminate, just to survive. Some shoot to distract, buying enough time and distance to jump into hyperspace. Others avoid shooting altogether, using their skill to dodge each shot until clear for their own jump.

            One X-Wing curls and dances around the deadly energy, cutting through the battlefield like he was born there, knowing every move before it even begins. The enemy aircrafts try their best, but cannot lock in for more than 3 seconds before he’s out of sight.

            Another X-Wing, however, lacks the certain… grace the other pilot has in spades. Where the former performs with panache, this one muddles through the routine in confusion and panic. He shoots blindly, missing friend and foe alike.

            The trained pilot notices his friend’s dilemma, and flies in closer to help, wiping out TIE after TIE that gun after his friend.

            Just as the sky was beginning to look clear, and the remaining two pilots prepare the jump, one final blast could be seen streaking through space. The first ship is too slow to react, mere seconds away from the jump, when the second ship shifts a few parsecs to the right and takes the hit instead. Two of the wings are blasted off, lost forever: the ship burns from the inside; smoke escaping out the new hole. It only stays active for a few more seconds, before falling closer and closer to the nearest gravitational pull. The first ship is gone the minute the second X-Wing drifts into the orbit of a small abandoned, forested moon.

            The crash cannot be heard in space, but the descent was viewed and enjoyed by those aboard the enemy aircraft.

* * *

             Exiting out of hyperspace, the X-Wing slows: the pilot releasing his death-like grip on the steering console. He lets out the breath he was holding before pushing a button: one of many on the dashboard.

            “That was a close one, Finn,” he speaks into his helmet, “almost didn’t make it out of that one, right?”

            Silence.

            No reaction from the other end of the comm-link. The pilot raises a brow, curious at his friend’s silence.

            “Finn…?”

            Still nothing.

            Instead, a tinnier voice fills his ears: the beeps and whirrs of his faithful companion BB-8. That little, spherical bot, sitting in his special spot on the X-Wing, always knows what he wants. And the reassurance is more than appreciated.

            “I know,” he responds, “he’s probably just… spooked, is all. I know I was… he’ll calm down when we reach base. I’ll talk to him then.”

            The pilot turns off communication, preferring the silence over the static of Finn’s link. The white noise would only turn his thoughts toward the dark side, and away from the lighter thoughts that get harder and harder to keep as time goes by. Things like:

            _‘He’s probably just mad that I didn’t keep my word of an easy mission… that’s all.’_

_‘We’re gonna land and the first thing he’s gonna do is punch me, I bet!’_

_‘I’ll treat him to something nice when we get back… or my name isn’t Poe Dameron!’_

These thoughts and others keep him moving forward when all his body wants is to stop.

            He keeps repeating them when he catches up to the rest of Blue Squadron, and doesn’t see all the planes they left with. He keeps repeating them when they fly past Jakku, the briefest memory of a flaming descent replaying before his eyes. He keeps repeating them when he finally gets closer to the Resistance Base on D’Qar.

            The landing process is slow, slower than he imagines. But when the plane finally touches down on the tarmac, Poe’s glass hood pops open, letting the fighter pilot escape. He jumps towards the ground, walking away from his plane while removing the heavy gear that weighs him down. He tosses the helmet to the side, now using his unobstructed head to swivel around the air base.

            Poe notices some of his friends, like Jess and Snaps, walking away from their ships. They don’t seem to be worse for wear, but there’s something in their eyes when they pass: something that flashes, communicates to Poe words he doesn’t want to hear.

            He keeps on scanning the field for Finn, unfruitful, when he notices a young woman scurrying by. He grabs her arm, stopping the busy Twi’lek from moving any further.

            “Excuse me, miss,” he says, speaking past the lump in his throat, “are all the ships of the Blue Squadron accounted for?”

            She tilts her head, looking away and towards her holo-pad. Her finger slides up and down the device, until finally finding what she was looking for.

            “No,” she answers, “only eight ships landed… X-Wing #4752’s signal was lost hours ago… I’m sorry.”

            She breaks free of his slack hold, moving away from him and back to the hangar.

            Poe stands there, frozen to the spot. The cold truth washes over him, waking him from a false dream he had tricked himself into believing. However sweet he made it, the first second of silence on Finn’s end clued him in to what had actually happened.

            He feels a bump near his leg, slow whirring. He chooses to ignore it, slowly stumbling his way inside.

BB-8 watches his friend slowly go off, shuffling along with stooped shoulders and a stormy expression. His smile had withered away into a frown, and there seemed to be nothing behind the eyes.

It beeps to itself, before rolling in the direction of the command center.

            His mind is lost in a sea of what-ifs, tides of doubt that pull him down deeper and deeper into a very dark place: a place he hasn’t been many times in his life, but knows like an old friend.

            Poe only notices where he is when he bangs into a passing soldier. He shoots him a strange look, but Poe chooses to ignore it, his eyes focusing on the numbers on the door: the place he unconsciously brought himself to.

            He lets his hand rest against the cool metal, teeth pressing against his lip to suppress the sob that wants to escape. He screws his eyes shut before flipping around, pressing his back against the door, and sinking.

            He can see it all so clearly…

            _“No.”_

_Finn stands outside his door, blocking entry from his closest friend on base: Poe Dameron._

_Poe stands across from Finn with stars in his eyes and hands behind his back. “Yes!” he says, “It’ll be so much fun!”_

_“No!” Finn repeats, “I only **just** finished physical therapy!”_

_“Which is why you **need** to go on a mission!” Poe exclaims._

_“I can’t,” Finn counters, “I’m not even that good a flyer!”_

_Poe motions him off: “Phsh, who says you aren’t?”_

_“I do!” Finn yells, throwing his arms in the air and spooking poor BB-8, who watches below._

_“Well I don’t!” Poe says, smiling, “you’ve been learning in between therapy from the greatest pilot in the base: you’ll be fine!”_

_Finn rolls his eyes, but the smallest uptick near his mouth lets Poe know he’s one this battle._

_“And,” Poe continues, “I already talked to Commander Organa and she said you were okay for take off!”_

_Poe thrusts his hands forward now, knocking Finn back a bit with the force. In Poe’s hands is a helmet, decked out in Resistance gear._

_Finn takes the helmet from Poe’s proffered hands, rubbing his own over the smooth material. He smiles at his reflection, before looking back into Poe’s eyes._

_“There’s no way I’m getting out of this,” Finn asks, “is there?”_

_Poe wraps his arm around Finn’s: “Nope!”_

_Finn and Poe share a laugh, close together: closer than they should be. Poe lets his arm drape for longer than is normal, lets his body linger near Finn’s than more than he should: Finn lets him._

_“Do I need flight gear or…?” Finn asks after a moment of comfortable silence._

_Poe turns his head, an inch away from Finn’s own face. Slowly, and unwillingly, he brings himself out of Finn’s orbit: only allowing himself a brief peek below Finn’s eyes, before answering._

_“Yeah,” Poe rubs at his neck, “we have one just for you. I made sure they got the measurements right and all that… it’s hanging in my locker!”_

_Finn smiles fully now, cheeks warm and red._

_“Thank you Poe,” he claps a hand on Poe’s shoulder, “really.”_

_“Don’t thank me yet,” Poe returns, “you won’t even be wearing it for that long! We’ll be in and out in no time!”_

_Finn hides a giggle behind his helmet: “Whatever you say…”_

            “Commander?”

            Poe raises his head, scrubbing at the tears that make it too hard to see who’s in front of him.

            Jessika stands with her hand paused in mid-air, unsure of where to land. She retracts it soon enough.

            “Y-yes,” Poe chokes out.

            “The, uh, General would like a word with you,” she relays, “about the… mission.”

            Poe lets his chin drop back towards his chest before sucking a deep breath in. He tries to stand, his legs buckling underneath. He slips a fraction, Jess nearby ready to catch. Poe waves her off though, reaching his full height even after the small stumble.

            “Thank you,” he tells her, before walking off on slow, shaky steps. He leaves her behind, not noticing her steps falling behind his. Too busy focused on his own steps, to make sure he keeps moving forward.

            He can’t allow himself to stop again; otherwise he might never start back up.

            ‘ _I’ve had my moment,_ ’ he thinks, ‘ _and… and I’ll move on. This is war… it happens._ ’

            It’s one of the hardest lies he has had to swallow. He chokes on it.

            But it’s too late, already entering the control center with Jessika on his heels. He sees a holo flicker off before General Organa turns and notices the two. She motions him over.

            “Commander Dameron,” she greets with a small smile, “about the mission-“

            “Completed,” he interrupts, eyes focused on a small point far away: giving the illusion he was looking at his commanding officer.

            “I know,” she tells him, “BB-8 rolled by with the drive containing the information on the First Order’s newest base location. Thanks are in order, for you and your team.”

            Poe pulls his mouth shut in a tight line, keeping angry words tucked inside. Venomous words imprisoned by his lips: only poisoning his mind. Fitting, since the only person they would hurt are him.

            “We were surprised,” he says instead, “by a First Order fleet. Not all of us managed to make it back.”

            “I see…” Organa responds, “then I hope it is not too much that I ask of you one more thing.”

            “Ma’am?” Poe asks, confused. This was not the response he was expecting. He finally looks at her.

            “I had just received a message,” she points behind her, “and I need you to retrieve an important package for the Resistance that ended up in faithful hands.”

            “B-But,” Poe stutters, “there-there must be someone else who would be better? Can’t there be? …Please?”

            “I’m sorry,” she tells him, gripping his shoulder, “but you are the best man for the job: you know the terrain very well.”

            “Where…” he asks, “where would I be going?”

            “To Yavin 4,” she says, “to your father.”

* * *

 

            Darkness.

            How he’s sick of the darkness.

            He spent around two months stuck in the darkness, and isn’t wishing to repeat that little trip. With pained effort, he opens his eyes: only to shut them again because of the bright light.

            Last time he woke up he was blinded by the bright smile of his friend.

            But with that, he didn’t want to look away: ever.

            It takes some time, but he adjusts to the light to find himself in a small room. It takes him even longer to sit up. The bed is soft: softer than the hospital cot, and even plusher than his mattress in his room on D’Qar. He lets his hands sink into it, grasping at the soft covers in a moment of comfort.

            Soon enough though, he remembers he shouldn’t be here.

            The comfort ekes away to make room for wariness: putting himself on edge as bits and pieces of what happened before slowly find their way back to him.

            He’s lucky to be alive: sore, but lucky.

            His body protests as he pulls himself upright. He teeters for a moment before finally finding his footing. And soon enough he begins to investigate his surroundings.

            He knows he’s not been captured: the First Order doesn’t have cells this nice. But he knew they didn’t capture him the minute he woke up because… well, he _woke up_.

            However, a clue as to who may have him rests on a dresser not to far from the bed. The man moves closer to the picture, picking up the smooth, wooden frame in his strong hands.

            The picture feels ancient, being contained in glass, unmoving: having the ability to be touched. It’s of a small family of three. The husband and wife, dark haired with tannish skin, look down at their son in something he has never seen before. Even from the picture he can tell the two love their son, are nothing but proud of him. It makes him yearn for something he knows he can never have, but moves on from feeling as he knows it’s something he’s come to peace with years ago.

            It’s then that he focuses on the son: small, around eight years of age. He’s missing a tooth in his front but the smile is bigger than anything he’s seen. He’s got hair like his parents, and huge brown eyes filled with a certain… something. Something… he’s seen before.

            “You shouldn’t be up and about.”

            He turns. Standing at the door is an older man, holding a tray with food: steaming soup and a glass of water. He’s tall, with a face wisened by age and a gut enlarged by time. He’s got a salt and pepper beard, big, curly brown hair and eyes that remind him of someone. The man takes a look at the picture in his hand and can see the father in this older gentleman, even after all these years.

            “Who are you,” the other man says, holding the picture frame as if it was a weapon, “where am I?”

            The older man rolls his eyes before moving towards the bed, “Put that down, you’ll hurt yourself even more, and if you break it, well, I’ll hurt you even more. Now come over here before I pick you up and put you here, myself.”

            The darker man doesn’t know why, but he does as he’s told. He returns the picture to its rightful place before slowly making his way back to the bed. He sits, just as the man thrusts the tray into his lap.

            “I hope you like vegetables, Finn,” the other man says, “I also put two tablets on the tray to ease the pain: you must be feeling a lot of it.”

            Finn holds the spoon in hand, confused, only to look up when the words catch up to him.

            “How do you know my name?” Finn asks, the wariness from before rising up again.

            “I placed a call into Leia earlier,” he waves off, “told me all about you. Must be a Big Deal to the Resistance for her to know you right off the bat!”

            Finn feels comforted by his words, chuckling a bit, easing his grip off the utensil.

            “Yeah,” he laughs, “a big deal… but how did you know I was Resistance?”

            “Recognized the uniform,” the man says, leaning against the wall, arms folded against his chest, “wasn’t too long ago I saw that uniform.”

           “My uniform…?” Finn asks, before looking down and realizing the orange jumpsuit was no longer on him. Instead he was decked out in a soft gray shirt and comfortable pants.

            “Yeah, sorry about that,” the man blushes, “the suit was pretty wrecked in the crash. The only thing to make it out, besides you, actually, was a jacket.”

            “The jacket!” Finn asks, with more interest than is needed for a piece of clothing.

            “Yeah,” the man smiles, “it surprised me that it was still in one piece, everything else aboard wasn’t.”

            Finn lets out a breath he didn’t know was holding, placing a hand over his heart and closing his eyes.

            “Boy, what is it about those jackets…”

            Finn opens his eyes to see the older man smiling. It only makes Finn curious.

            “Huh?”

            “Sorry,” the man apologizes, “it’s just… you reminded me of my mi-son just then. He has a strange affinity for _his_ jacket, too.”

            “Your… son?” Finn asks, “Is he in the Resistance, too?” Finn tries to think of the eight year old he saw in the picture frame, trying to place his face. He doesn’t think he’s dead, given the way the father speaks. In fact, the picture is almost clear to him… but it feels like there’s a film covering the true identity of the boy grown-up in his mind.

            “Yeah,” the man continues, startling Finn out of his thoughts, “followed in his parents’ footsteps: his mother’s really. She knew her way around a ship better than I did, anyhow, and so does he.”

            “He’s a pilot?” Finn asks, the picture starting to get clearer.

            “Yeah,” the man beams, “the best there is. You might know him actually. Do you know Poe Dameron?”

            “Poe?” Finn exclaims, “You’re Poe’s father!?!”

            “Kes Dameron,” Kes smiles, “at your service!”

* * *

 

            Poe packs glumly. He forces each item, each piece of clothing into his rucksack. A dark storm cloud has been hanging over his head since he landed, and his conversation with General Organa did not do anything to dissipate it. In fact, it only caused the storm to spread.

            He tried his best to weasel himself out of the mission, but she would not let him. He even told her why he wouldn’t be fit for the mission, needing time to recover after the heavy loss. Instead, she ordered him to take some down time after landing on _Yavin 4_!

_‘Like I could even relax knowing…’_

            Poe stops.

            He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and then continues to pack: slower than before.

            But the anger still burns bright inside of him. General Organa was colder than he thought she would be regarding the death of Finn. He knows that Finn meant a lot to her, meant a lot to _him_ , yet she treated him as if he was just a faceless droid: ready to be forgotten.

            She treated Finn like FN-2187.

            A shiver runs up his spine just thinking it.

            She was not at all like the woman he stumbled upon after Finn’s lightsaber encounter.

_General Leia sits alone in a dark command center: empty for once. Every other member, just like the soldiers, was busy celebrating their victory, reveling in the turning point of the battle._

_She can’t find it in her to smile._

_Neither can her Blue Squadron Commander._

_“Dameron?” she asks, noticing the X-Wing pilot pass, casting a long shadow through the light of the open door. He stops, and turns towards her._

_She sees his red eyes, puffed and out of place. It’s like a reflection._

_“General,” she hears him sniff, sees him wiping his face, “why are-what are you doing here?”_

_“I could ask you the same, Poe,” she tells him._

_Poe gives her a small smile: “I guess I’m just not in the mood.”_

_Leia returns it: “Neither am I.” She motions towards him: “Come, join me.”_

_Poe hesitates, but soon enough joins the General. He sits beside her, each wrapped up in their own silence._

_Leia is the first one to break it._

_“The battle ended hours ago,” she says, “why are you still in your flight uniform?”_

_“What?” he asks, looking down. He pokes his head back up slowly, tinted red, “Oh, sorry, I headed straight to the medical bay after I landed and… must have forgotten.”_

_That’s when everything clicks together, and she can sense the reason for her best soldier’s pain. She puts her hand over his, looking him straight in the eye._

_“He’s going to be okay.”_

_The shift is instant. Poe loses his cool demeanor and tears start running down his face. He throws his head on her shoulder and embraces her. Leia leans in, seeking comfort in his arms as well._

_“Th-thanks,” he says, “I **really** needed that. The doctors told me the same thing but…”_

_“I know,” she tells him._

_She feels her own tears make their way down her face._

_Poe pulls away and notices his General’s own tear-stricken face._

_“General…?”_

_Leia smiles, wiping away at her own tears: “No matter the cause or the effect, pain is still pain, Commander Dameron… Poe. Even if we have no wounds to speak of, we still feel it for those we care about.”_

_Poe blushes._

_“I’m… I’m sorry for laying this on you,” he apologizes, “I realize how terrible I’m being since-“_

_She silences him with a raised hand._

_“Don’t,” she says, “I’m happy that Finn’s alive as well… and that he has people he cares about worrying for him.”_

_“Thanks,” Poe whispers, “and … just to let you know… you don’t have to go through this alone as well.”_

_They spend the next few minutes in silence, too proud to let anyone hear them, but strong enough to let themselves cry._

            After that, Poe made himself a fixture in Finn’s room. Some times General Organa would visit, assuring Poe about Finn’s place in the resistance, helping him fill out forms and getting Finn’s gear ready. That way when he woke up, he would be all ready to start a life in the Resistance Base if he so chose to.

            He chose to.

            ‘ _If only it was the right choice_ …’ Poe thinks, wiping away at another teardrop that managed to escape.

            A slow whirring sound startles him. He turns around to see BB-8 standing just outside his door. Poe attempts a smile, but only manages a grimace.

            BB-8 rolls in and bumps lightly against Poe’s feet. Poe kneels.

            A series of beeps and flashing lights is communicated to Poe, and it only drives the pilot closer to tears.

            “I know,” he warbles, patting his droid’s head, “I’m going to miss him too. I… really am.”

            But Poe doesn’t know why.

            Yes, Finn meant a lot to him, even in the short time they knew each other. But the pain he feels isn’t the same as if losing a close friend. It feels… more than that.

            He remembers back in his academy days, when he was just starting out. He befriended another pilot by the name of Yasmeen Lidara: a Mirilian. She was boisterous, energetic, with a need for adventure and the open sky. She loved nothing more than the wind blowing through her race’s accustomed headwear.

            Unfortunately, he lost her during one of the first raids against the First Order. Her risk-taking nature got the better of her, and she sacrificed herself to stop a squadron of TIE fighters from following the rest of them through an asteroid field.

            He remembers mourning her, feeling sad for a while, but knowing that someday soon her loss wouldn’t hurt as much as it would. It was a basic lesson taught at the beginning of each training camp. It’s the same no matter where you hear it: New Republic or Resistance.

            But with Finn… Poe was completely devastated. The sadness felt all-consuming: like there was no escape. That no matter how hard he could try, he won’t see any future where he wouldn’t miss him. In the mornings, where he got so used to waking Finn up: Finn surprisingly not an early riser. During lunch, when Poe would get Finn to try all the things he never did while in the First Order. When the two would have free time and Poe would just ramble on and on about the past, helping Finn heal his mind of the lies the First Order told him.

            Their time together was like lightning: brief, yet powerful.

            More beeps from BB-8.

           “No I’m not,” Poe sniffs, “you are.” He wipes at his face with his shirtsleeve.

            Poe stands, turning back to his bag to finish packing. He zips it up and swings it around his shoulder, before looking back down at BB-8.

            “So what do you say, BB-8?” Poe asks with forced enthusiasm, “ready to visit dear old Papi?”

            The replying buzzes feel just as fake as Poe’s smile.

            But the two venture out towards their craft.

            ‘ _Who knows,_ ’ Poe thinks, ‘ _maybe seeing dad again will make me feel… better._ ’

            This time, the lie sits easy in his stomach.

* * *

 

            “…And when I turn around, Poe’s already out of the house! My wife and I are so shocked, we run after him, trying to find him. We spend the next few minutes looking through the trees for him. Soon enough, though, we find him-stark naked- playing with some animals in the dirt! I’d show you some pictures… but _unfortunately_ he destroyed all evidence of his embarrassing childhood during one of his later visits.”

            Finn is choking on his laughter.

            After finishing the meal, and taking the pills-which helped _a lot_ \- Kes dragged him into the living room to discuss his son.

            “I can’t believe Poe has such a… colorful past,” Finn says, finally regaining his breath.

            “Too much like me in that regard,” Kes says proudly, “unfortunately.”

            Finn smiles more, just picturing all the things young Poe may have gotten into. So much like the Poe he knows, yet still so different.

            ‘ _Still cute though,’_ Finn thinks.

            “Granted, you must know what I’m talking about!” Kes slaps Finn on his sore back. The pain is a momentary distraction, but when Finn takes in what the older man said, his smile falters.

            “Excuse me, what?”

            “Most Resistance members were trouble children,” Kes explains, “I bet you raised a lot of hell for your parents.”

            All the laughter leaves Finn. He looks away, twiddling his fingers under the table.

            “Was it… something I said?”

            Finn sighs before looking back up at Kes.

            “No, no,” Finn answers, “it’s just… I never-never knew my parents.”

            “Oh,” Kes says, “kriff, I’m-I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were orphaned-“

            “Well, not technically,” Finn rubs at the back of his head, “I was raised… by the First Order.”

            Silence. Finn rushes to fill it.

            “I mean, I don’t-don’t support what they believe. Not anymore. I actually escaped, being a stormptrooper is the same as being a prisoner. It’s actually where I met your son, Poe. We ran off together and got separated-well I thought he was dead. He isn’t now, I mean, he’s not dead anymore. But I thought he was… He was actually instrumental in destroying the Starkiller Base, as was I, even if I got injured. But Poe was there, too. He made sure an ex-stormtrooper like me fit right in at the Resistance base and-“

            A hand on his shoulder silences him.

            He looks into the strong eyes of Kes Dameron, and can see a little of Poe in them. Kes starts, “It don’t matter where you come from, Finn. If my mijo trusts you, then you’re good stock.”

            Finn shivers.

            “Cold?” Kes asks, “I got a couple of blankets lying around…”

            He gets up, only to stop when Finn grabs his wrist.

            “Actually,” Finn swallows, “could I have the jacket, please?”

            Kes nods, then goes to pick up the jacket that was draped across the back of a nearby chair. He holds it out for Finn to take. The heat is instantaneous, even without Finn putting it on. It isn’t the actual heat he feels, but the memory: of comfort, of its former owner.

            “Must have been put through a lot, since you first got it,” Kes says while Finn puts it on, “got a nice patch job.”

            “Again, thank your son,” Finn fingers the collar, “he gave me this jacket- _his_ jacket- and made sure I kept it even after my injury.”

            _Finn lies in his cot, staring at the white walls of his room in the medical bay. It’s been a couple of days since he woke up. Ever since his room has been a constant whirl of staff in and out of his room: checking his vitals and poking at his back. Now, though, it’s finally quiet._

_“Finn!”_

_That is until his friend Poe Dameron walks in._

_Poe has been by his side through this since he woke up. Especially since he woke up, because he was the first thing Finn saw when he opened his eyes. With Rey on her mission, Poe is the only person he knows in the Base. And he has been going above and beyond with trying to make Finn comfortable._

_Finn smiles, “Poe.” He tries to get up, but gets pushed back down by his friend._

_“You are still recovering,” Poe says, sitting, “no getting up on my account.”_

_“What are you doing here?”_

_Poe scoffs: “What? I can’t visit my favorite person on base?”_

_“Don’t let BB-8 know you’re cheating on him,” Finn jokes, and the two laugh._

_“But seriously,” Finn starts, “I thought you had training?”_

_Poe nods, “I did, I did… but-uh, something more important came up.”_

_“Me?” Finn asks, only to blush as Poe nods harder, “I-I don’t see why-“_

_But then he does when Poe shoves a box in front of him and into his lap. He stares at it, unsure of what to do._

_“Open it,” Poe tells him after some time, “it’s for you.”_

_“Really?” Finn asks, “I… I don’t know what to say.”_

_“Don’t say anything,” Poe says, “just open it.”_

_Finn does. He opens the box slowly, savoring the feeling, the experience. But the flicker of brown leather he sees has him near ripping the lid off of the cardboard box. He reaches inside and pulls out Poe’s jacket-his jacket: the same jacket he thought was ruined forever._

_“I thought,” he whispers, “I thought it was lost forever.”_

_“Almost was,” Poe says, “I had to fight a droid for it before he threw it out. I can understand why, it looked like it was never going to be used again. But I sat down and got to work… granted it’s not my best work, but hey, it’s the thought that counts.”_

_Finn’s eyes roam over the jacket, turning it over to see the patch job Poe was talking about. It was messy, it was sloppy, and Finn could see that the leathers were two entirely different colors. But it was the best gift he will ever receive._

_“Finn?” Poe startles him, “Do you like it?”_

_Finn’s at a loss for words, unable to speak pass the lump in his throat. Instead, he tosses himself at Poe without a care for his wounds. It stings, but the hug outweighs his own discomfort. Poe did not expect the response, but it is not unwelcome. Slowly, Poe wraps his own arms around his friend. Poe can feel tear drops falling on his shoulder, but the smile pressed against his chest tells him that they are not from sadness._

_Soon enough, Finn finally finds his words. “Thank you Poe,” he whispers, “I…I love it.”_

            “Finn?”

            Finn lets go of the jacket, blinking back to the present.

            “Sorry, sorry,” Finn apologizes, “I lost track of where I was for the moment…”

            Kes waves him off, smiling. “It’s okay. I’ve seen that look on my face many a time… Poe, he means a lot to you, doesn’t he?”

            Finn smiles, “Yeah… he does.”

            Kes smiles as well. “You know this reminds me of another story…”

            “Kes?”

            “Poe was a teenager, years ago, and I had just come home from a visit with some friends nearby. Now, I didn’t know there was anybody in the house, thought Poe was going to be out late. But the minute I enter I hear a distinct giggling. I was obviously confused, Poe wasn’t known to bring anyone to the house: never saw any friends or girlfriends. So this was something new. I stay quiet… tiptoeing towards my son’s room. I get closer to his room, hear more giggling, some breathy noises, and think ‘Hey, looks like my boy may have a girl in there… better do something to embarrass him quick!’ So I put my hand on the knob, wait a beat, and pull! Well, let me tell you I was surprised when I see my mijo in bed with another boy around the same age! Oh, was that a sight! And the conversation that followed… boy I wish my wife was still alive then for that!”

            “That’s… that’s an interesting story,” Finn says, chuckling, “but… I don’t see what it has to do with me.”

            “Think about it, you’ll see,” Kes pats Finn’s knee, “you want something to eat? I’m starved.”

            Finn nods, letting Kes go about his business in the kitchen. He sits, pondering over the story and its connection to his relationship with Poe Dameron.

* * *

 

            He never knew how quiet it could be on a ship.

            No matter what Poe flew, he was always sure of two things: he could fly it, and it’s going to be a loud journey.

            The standard cargo vessel flies like a dream.

            It’s as silent as death.

            BB-8 is somewhere else on the ship, Poe having sent him away from the helm. He was too loud, too bright, and too full of life.

            Something Poe didn’t need to be reminded of.

            His hands are on the steering wheel; steady, even if the autopilot is on. It’s a habit he hasn’t lost. But looking into the expanse of space before him, he’s lucky the ship came with an autopilot. He’s so distracted he wouldn’t have noticed if he happened upon an asteroid field or another First Order ship.

            He wouldn’t have cared either.

            His mind, no matter how hard he tries, always drifts back to Finn.

            How Finn would smile at the strangest of things… Finn’s infectious laughter at the most innocent of jokes… even the way Finn’s eyes would flutter when he got too tired, and couldn’t combat sleep with his will to stay awake. Poe remembers a time he had to half drag/half carry Finn back to his bed, Finn’s head lolling onto Poe’s shoulder, hitting his head, with each step. It brings a smile to Poe’s lips.

            It brings a frown to Poe’s lips.

            Poe knew there was always something special about Finn: knew it when he saw him again after the raid on Takodana. Knowing Finn was alive _and_ had completed Poe’s mission… something swelled inside of Poe then. Something he’d never felt before… a taste of things to come. Poe ran to him, crushing him in a tight embrace. Poe swore he heard music the minute Finn was in his arms. He never wanted to let him go, never wanted to see him anywhere but by his side, forever and-

            Poe’s eyes widen. Suddenly Poe can see himself as a child, with his father…

            _“Papi?”_

_Poe Dameron, ten years old, walks in on his father finishing a call. Poe can see the face of his abuela flicker off, and the tears threatening to fall from his face. Kes Dameron turns around, wiping away the water before it fell._

_“Mijo?” he asks, “What are you doing up so late?”_

_“I-I could hear you talking from my room,” Poe yawns, “what were you and abuela fighting about?”_

_Kes sighs, turning his chair fully around and motioning for his son to join him. Poe shuffles, climbing onto his father’s lap, and leaning his head so it rests just under Kes’s chin._

_“Abuela was just worrying over us, mijo,” he says, rubbing his son’s back, “she just wants to make sure you’re being raised right-“_

_“But I am Papi!” Poe protests, moving back and looking right at his father, “You’re doing a wonderful job!”_

_“I know, mijo,” Kes replies, “but you can’t help her worry. She just thinks you might need a… more feminine touch…”_

_“Papi?” Poe tilts his head._

_Kes sighs: “She’s been asking me to remarry.”_

_Poe’s little eyes widen, his mouth falling open. “You-you’re not going to… right, Papi?”  
            “No, mijo,” Kes runs a hand through his son’s hair, “I love your mother too much to ever remarry.”_

_“Good,” Poe leans back in, “I only want one Mami…”_

_“As do I.”_

_It’s silent for a bit, so much so Kes thinks Poe has fallen asleep, But then he hears a slight murmur from his son, that Kes has to lean closer._

_“Hmm, mijo?”_

_“I said,” Poe mumbles louder, “how did you know Mami was the one for you?”  
            Kes smiles, and leans further back._

_“I never really knew, at first,” Kes answers, “it started small. Saying hi in the mornings, spending lunch hours together… but it kept growing. Soon, she was all I thought about, all I talked about. I couldn’t go one day without trying to make her smile. Then one day, I was caught in some crossfire-“_

_“No!”_

_“Si, mijo,” Kes laughs, “it was looking grim. I didn’t know what was going to happen-I thought I wouldn’t make it. I started to think about all that I would miss: my family, my friends… your mother. But it’s when I saw her face, picturing what she would feel knowing I wouldn’t be returning to her… that’s when it clicked for me. I knew I didn’t want to live a life where she didn’t know how I felt for her. It gave me the strength to finish the mission and make it back to the base-to her. I walked right past my commanding officer and towards the hangar and proposed to her, in front of everybody. Thankfully… she said yes.”_

_“Why was that Papi?” Poe blinks, “Why did Mami give you that strength?”_

_Kes smiles down at his son. “Because when you love someone, your life no longer becomes **your** life. It belongs to whomever you gave it to as much as it belongs to you. And when you have someone like that… it’s one of the most magical things a person can experience…”_

_“Do you think that might ever happen to me one day, Papi?” Poe asks, stars in his eyes._

_Kes leans in close, his and his son’s noses touching: “If the stars wish it, you will. Let’s hope you realize who it is when the time comes.”_

            The grip on the steering wheel is tight, and if Poe were stronger it would be completely crushed under his force. He’s biting down on his lip so hard he can taste the sanguine copper of his blood. His eyes are filled of memories, of realization, and sadness.

            “No…”

            Poe can now name why this sadness hurts more than others, why it feels like a knife has been thrust into his heart and like that story about a legendary lightsaber that could only be removed by its rightful owner.

            The reason he’s been feeling as bad as when his mother died so long ago, is because he has lost another person he loved.

            He loved Finn.

            It was all so clear to him.

            Looking back on all the glances, all the extended touches, how Poe’s day only got brighter the minute Finn was in his line of sight.

            He fell for Finn so long ago, how has only noticed he was this far gone.

            “I’m sorry Finn,” Poe whispers, “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the love you deserve.”

* * *

 

            Finn feels cold, deep inside. As if he could sense a great sadness from far away. He looks up into the night sky, trying to pin-point where exactly it was coming from.

            Having finished the dinner, Finn stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. His body still ached from the crash, so he didn’t get very far. But he was able to reach the glowing tree near the edge of Dameron’s property. Now he is sitting, leaning up against it. It’s odd… yet familiar.

            “Poe used to sit there, when he needed to think.”

            Finn looks to his right to see Kes has joined him, having snuck by him while he was distracted.

            “I’m not surprised,” Finn replies, “this is such a lovely tree.”

            “Well it is special,” Kes tells him, “a gift from Luke Skywalker himself.”

            Finn jumps: “Skywalker?”

            “Yeah,” Kes continues, “one of two trees that are force sensitive.”

            Finn looks behind him at the glowing tree, not realizing its importance.

            “Should we be leaning against it?” Finn asks.

            Kes shrugs, “Hey, it’s just a tree-and the physical embodiment of a mystical energy. But still a tree.”

            “Okay…?” Finn relaxes, only slightly.

            Finn returns his thoughts to what they were on before: Poe Dameron. He’s been analyzing how he and Finn interact, and what Kes might have meant by that story.

            Sure, he thinks Poe is good-looking, he’s been privy to many a conversation with Jessika and Snaps and BB-8 about how Poe is the most attractive member in the Resistance. Some might even say that he’s breath taking: like he can literally take someone’s breath away-someone like Finn.

            And he’s nice. Probably the nicest person Finn has ever met. Always concerned about others, making sure everyone feels good before even worrying about himself. Sometimes Finn has to work extra hard to get Poe to think about himself before others. Other times Finn has to be the one to put the smile on Poe’s face. Seeing him frown is probably one of the most upsetting images Finn can think of.

            And he’s warm, something Finn really hasn’t thought of until now. Whenever he’s around him, Finn can feel a blaze that warms his very soul. Touching him is like being engulfed in a wildfire: and he never wants to leave.

            ‘ _Funny,_ ’ Finn thinks, ‘ _I’ve always wanted to feel that way with Rey…_ ’

            Finn widens his eyes.

            He casts another glance at Kes, before looking away.

            “Kes…” he starts, “what… _exactly_ do you think I am to Poe?”

            “What do you think?”

            Finn thinks that he’s somehow been Poe Dameron’s boyfriend… and never realized it until now.

            “And you’re… okay with this?”

            Kes looks at Finn: “I’ve accepted my son’s preferences a long time ago. Question is: do you?”

            Finn thinks. Thinks about how same-sex couples were unwelcomed: harmful to breeding more soldiers for the First Order. He thinks about the regulatory shaming when two people of the same gender were caught in uncompromising positions, forced into rehabilitation. Thinks about how he had to sneak around, loving and fearing every moment of it until that same soldier was transferred to a different unit.

            Then he thinks about the way Poe would smile at him. How each one of Poe’s touches was seconds longer than with anyone else. How Poe’s affectionate nature being magnified when around Finn. He remembers Poe’s unwavering support, his immediate trust: every clue that Finn could have seen but passed over like an idiot.

            Finn smiles: “I’m… okay. But do you think he’ll really want me after the fool I’ve been?”

            “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

            Kes can see the ship descend, coming to a rest nearer the house, but behind the tree. The elder Dameron steps from out of the tree, ready to greet his son.

            Finn hides in the shadows.

            The ship opens up slowly, and Finn can see Poe from his hiding spot. See how slow he moves, as if defeated. His shoulders are slumped, and the worse frown he’s ever seen on his face is there for Finn to see.

            Finn can’t take it.

            He steps out of the shadows.

            Poe shuffles towards his father. He’s ready to curl into a little ball at his feet, ready to cry until he is numb to the world. However, reflexes and training hold dominance over emotions, and the slightest ruffle draws his attention away from his father and towards…

            “Finn…”

            It’s a whisper. It’s disbelief. It’s a prayer. It’s hope.

            Standing next to the tree is Finn, staring at Poe with what he hopes is reflected in his own eyes.

            And soon enough Finn starts to get closer… and closer… and…

            Finn catches Poe when he throws himself at him.

            They fall, Poe straddling Finn as he cries into his neck. Finn doesn’t know what to do, just tightens his hold on the pilot.

            “You’re _alive_!” Poe cries, “I… I can’t believe it… you’re alive!”

            “Alive?” Finn asks, but only then does he remember how he ended up in this situation, “Shit. I completely forgot… when Kes-your dad, told me he phoned in Leia, I was sure he would have told you!”

            Poe glosses over the fact he was left in the dark, all his anger and sadness leaving him the longer he stays in Finn’s embrace. He’s too… _happy_ to care that he was knowingly left in the dark: maybe as a trick, a joke… a surprise even. It wasn’t right to play with his emotions, but he can chew everyone else out later. Now, he only wants to be with Finn.

            “It doesn’t matter,” he cries, “you’re here… here with me…”

            “I… didn’t know I was that important to you…”

            Poe stops, and looks up into Finn’s warm, brown eyes.

            “You are,” Poe declares, “You’re the _most_ important thing to me.”

            Finn is confused, unsure, and can’t help but ask: “Why?”

            “Why?” Poe asks, fired up, “Why? Why?!?”

            Poe hopes his kiss is more than an answer for Finn. It’s no holds barred the sloppiest kiss Poe has ever given: teeth everywhere, his tongue overly wet but his mouth dry. He’s too erratic: hands everywhere. It’s the worst first kiss anyone has ever given anyone.

            But that only makes it more special.

            Finn returns it with matched enthusiasm. He’s happy with the answer as much as Poe is, and can’t wait to see what is in store for them in this new adventure. But first…

            “Poe,” Finn breaks free, “we might need to hold back a bit.”

            “Why,” Poe kisses at Finn’s jaw.

            “Because, as much as I don’t want this to stop,” Finn moans over Poe’s devotion, “your father is watching.”

            Poe stops, slowly turning to find his father and BB-8 with their backs turned towards them. Poe turns back to Finn, letting his head drop onto his shoulder. Finn lightly chuckles, causing Poe’s head to bob up and down.”

            “Kriff,” Poe moans against Finn’s chest.

            “Reminds you of that time he first caught you in the act, doesn’t it?”

            Poe raises his head, eyes wide: “Just what did he tell you!?!”

            The night ends with Kes Dameron watching his son and his son’s boyfriend reconnect as the family enjoys some lovely quality time together.

            This comes after Poe tires himself out chasing Finn, demanding answers as to what embarrassing stories Kes Dameron was able to tell before he got there.

            There was not a frown in sight.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy it? Please let me know!  
> Depending on the amount of kudos and comments I get I maaaaaaay add a sequel to this...


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